Musings of an Outcast
by itsallaboutme11
Summary: Rogue muses on the past, and how she percieves Logan and Wolverine are different in it. Oneshot, Rogan.


A/n: This was an idea that came to me at 12 pm and wouldn't let me go to sleep unless I wrote it. It focuses on the idea that Logan and Wolverine are different personalities in one person, and what roles they play in Rogue's relationship with them.

**Disclaimer: I no own, you no sue.**

* * *

"I'll take care of you."

Even 5 years later those words still ring in her ears. The fateful words that she knew wouldn't hold, because half of him was the Wolverine, and how can you take care of someone when you're not there? For he would run eventually, would it be a week, a month, or a year from then. The Wolverine couldn't care for anything besides himself and his mate, for that was the way of the wild things, and the wild things are always more powerful than man.

And he did run, giving her what others would call a tie to his heart, but what they both knew was just a lie to keep a love-sick girl from wasting away. So she buried her feelings, and went on with her life, hooking up with Bobby and trying to act like a kid, even though she felt 17 going on 100.

But he came back after six months, much to her surprise. And she knew that it wasn't because of the piece of un-touchable crowbait that held his tags. No, it was because of Jean, who held the man's heart and, by default, must have been held as the Wolverine's mate. And when Jean and Storm came down the stairs, he forgot about her, proving the theory.

When Jean died the man grieved, but he stayed. This confused her, because the man in her head told her that the Wolverine would have ran long, and hard, and fast if his mate had died. So she figured that her initial thought was wrong, and only the man cared about Jean, and the Wolverine had another mate in mind. The long buried feelings popped up again, and they were much harder to erase than a year earlier, because they were real and not half hero worship. But she went on with life, living like she always did: one day at a time.

Three months later, though, her world started to crumble around her. The cure was released, Bobby's feelings for Kitty showed through, Jean came back, and Scott and the Professor died. With the two went her hope. Her hope of ever controlling her power, of ever being able to touch, of ever being _normal_. So when she went to take the cure, she was desperately trying to convince herself that it was for herself, not for a boy with blue eyes and cold skin, or for a man with metal claws and sideburns, although the voices were shouting that she had never done for herself, it was always done for someone else. And with the injection the voices were silenced completely and her head felt empty without them.

Life was made up of cruel twists, and the man must be a magnet for them. Ironically, it was the man who love Jean that killed her, despite the fact that he should have been to weak-willed to do it. If the Wolverine had killed her, her death would've happened defferently than a thrust to the heart. He would have killed her like all predators did: a cut to the hamstring and a slash at the throat.

Once back at the mansion, life progressed in strange stops and starts. Bobby broke up with her a month after she got back-but it felt like an hour later, and two or three weeks-but felt like a lifetime-after that, her powers came back, but with it came control. The Wolverine claimed her as his mate and the man his girl two months after she mastered the control completely. but it felt like only a day.

And now, 3 years later, as she fondles the dogtags that started it all, she has to wonder about why the Wolverine does things. For the Wolverine wasn't one who she could absorb. The Wolverine was as free as the wind, and not even her life-sucking abilities could capture him. Logan was man, and man was never free.

A pair of lips touched her shoulder blades, breaking her musings. They move up, performing their light admistrations as they go, until they're sucking at where her neck met shoulder. After a few minutes he stops.

"Care to tell me what you were thinking?" A rough voice murmurs, the exahle warming her skin. Rogue shifted, until she was meeting the hazel eyes of her lover.

"Nothing in particular," she answered, and started snuggling closer into his body heat. He tilted her chin to get a good look at her face, his nostrils flaring slightly, before nodding to himself and letting go of her.

"He's always in here you know," he told her as she settled into his chest, his arms winding around her. "He wants out, wants to be let free. But when he sees you, he seems…satisfied, I guess would be the word. And the only thing I get from him is 'mine.' Probably the one thing we agree on. But you're not his. You're mine." The last part was punctuated by a growl, and his arms tightened possessively.

"And you're both mine," she agreed, smiling to herself. Her hand started to play with the hair on his chest, and Logan purred, a low rumble that made her so deliciously aroused.

**_Maybe Logan was at least a little like the Wolverine,_** she mused. **_After all, when the wild things stay in contact with the man long enough, some of it has to seep in._**


End file.
